The Night I Can't Sleep

I move in 1 day and 7 hours from now. That's when I'll be in college...starting a new chapter in my life. But I feel I still have so much to do in order to finish this chapter before I go to college. I don't know what to do. Just when I was getting comfortable with my amazing friends and having a great boyfriend to always depend on in my time of need...but maybe this is what I need. Maybe I have to get out of this comfort zone, feel vulnerable, afraid of the unknown, and experience life so I won't be so dependent on my friends and boyfriend. In 1 day and 7 hours from now...I won't have a boyfriend. I won't be able to see my best friends Evil Overlord of Fairie all of the time when we just felt like hanging out. I have to make new friends. I have to open myself up to new people. How do I do that again? How do I deal with the judgement when I don't have my support right there with me? Oh yeah...I have to believe in myself. Maybe that is what I need to find when I don't have others to remind me to believe in myself.

I don't know whether to cry now, or later today, or the night I move into my dorm. I might not be losing all that I feel like I'm losing, but I sure feel that I'm losing everything. I feel so lost. Maybe I'll be able to figure out what to do with my life. Maybe I will be able to figure out who is my true Kyo in my love story. It might be my current boyfriend. It might not. It's making me go insane from the uncertainty. I can't let this go on, but I don't know how to decipher myself. I don't know how to distinguish between crush and love. I don't know anything anymore except that I will be depressed the first couple of days because I will be missing my friends and my cat! gah! I'm going to miss so much and I don't know how to act with these feelings. I don't know whether to pace or cry or be angry or anything. I'm completely lost in the abyss of my own mind. Everything is a tornado and all my feelings, thoughts, and memories are being blown around me while I'm stuck in the middle. The tornado is always changing and bombarding me, but I'm stuck in the middle where all I can see is chaos, where only disorder has entered and refuses to leave. All I can truly say is that I'm going to be a mess...and I'm really going to need help to keep my spirits up.